Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
