i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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