Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
