He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
