my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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