Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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