just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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