dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
