my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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