Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
