I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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