Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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