It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
