We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
