Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
