She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
and you fell through a lawn chair
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