The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
