im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
