Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
