he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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