Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
