A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
