i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
