Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
