fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
