Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
