His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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