got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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