I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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