Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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