when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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