is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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