Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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