I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
