Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
