i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
