Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
