god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Come on in and take your pants off
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