Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
