Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
