Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
