When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
