dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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