Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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