So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
