He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
