Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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