My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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