tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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