omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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